Do you ever wonder why you react the way you do in relationships? Understanding the four attachment styles can shed light on this question and provide insights into how your upbringing impacts your current relationships and personal growth. In this blog, we will briefly explore the science of attachment, dive into the characteristics of each attachment style, how they influence our relationships, and their potential consequences on personal growth. By gaining a better understanding of these attachment styles, you can begin to recognize patterns in your own behavior and the behavior of those around you. Whether you're seeking to strengthen your current relationships or wanting to better understand yourself and your past influences, exploring attachment styles can provide valuable insights and lead to personal growth. Let's dive in and unravel the mysteries of attachment styles.

First things first, what is attachment theory anyways? Attachment theory was developed by the psychologist John Bowlby and it suggests that our early interactions with caregivers form the foundation for how we relate to others throughout our lives. According to this theory, there are four attachment styles – secure, anxious-avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, and disorganized– which represent different ways in which individuals form emotional bonds. Moreover, these bonds are initially formed in childhood between parents or caregivers and children, and the purpose of these bonds is to provide a sense of safety or security for the child; but as we all know some parents or caregivers are more successful on this endeavor than others.

Let's start talking about each attachment style and how it's formed. A healthy attachment style develops as follows, a child has a need, the parent meets that need, therefore the child develops a sense of trust for his caregiver, and forms a healthy attachment style. The above cycle can be contrasted with a maltreatment attachment style in which the child has a need, but the caregiver in this case in neglectful, abusive, or even unresponsive which in turn activates the fight or flight response in the child and creates a fearful and closed off response to the caregiver in the future. If you are asking yourself, what does my childhood experiences have to do with my present life, well Bowlby would probably reply to that question with more than you think. According to Bowlby, this parent child interaction creates an internal relationship working model for the child which is applied to themselves as well as to future relationships. In other words, depending on the relationship dynamics that you had with your caregiver or parent you either developed an internal working model that anticipates trust and responsiveness or one that anticipates suspicion or harm. Also, through this basic interaction the child develops a sense of self which can feel worthy or unworthy of love.

Now let's discuss each attachment style individually. A person who has developed a secure attachment style is able to have meaningful and trusting relationships as their caregivers were able to provide a sense safety and security. In contrast with a person with anxious avoidant attachment style who had a caregiver that rejected them and therefore learned to close themselves off to the world and turn off their emotions to protect themselves. An anxious ambivalent individual, on the other hand, had a caregiver who was inconsistent, either distant or attuned to the wrong needs, and in turn they learned to develop a love-hate relationship style. Lastly, the disorganized attachment style develops from a parenting style that provided danger as well as safety and consequently these individuals adopt various ways to control their relationships and environments.